Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am Jude Dukeshaan, a first-year civil engineering student enrolled in your
"Critical Thinking and Communicating" module. I chose civil
engineering because it pushes me to think in new ways and gives me the chance
to tackle real-world challenges. I am excited about the job stability and
growth potential in this field, and the chance to contribute to meaningful
projects. As someone who is usually more reserved, civil engineering is a
wonderful way for me to step out of my comfort zone and grow both personally
and professionally
My strength is turning complex ideas into simple, clear explanations that
people can easily understand. Whether I am writing, presenting, or having a
conversation, I focus on the key points and explain them in a way that feels
practical and approachable. Still, I often catch myself making my writing sound
too formal or technical, which can make it harder for others to fully engage
with what I am trying to say.
I tend to be pretty direct in my communication, which helps me be clear, but I
know it can sometimes come off differently than I intend. Part of this is
because I struggle with speaking in front of groups and get nervous in larger
settings, which can affect how I express myself. I am working on adjusting my
tone and building more confidence, so I can communicate more effectively and
comfortably.
By the end of this module, I hope to be more confident with public speaking, to
write in a more accessible way, and to improve my communication in group
discussions. I want to be confident not only when presenting my ideas but also
when trying to understand and share the ideas of others.
Thank you for reading my email. I am excited about the opportunity to gain
experience and develop throughout this course, and I look forward to improving
under your guidance.
Best regards,
Jude Dukeshaan
Commented on : Aravind, Francis, Tristal, Jonathan Phua, Benjamin
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Jude,
ReplyDeleteYour email provides a clear and well-structured introduction to your background and motivations for pursuing civil engineering. You effectively highlight your communication strengths and challenges with specific examples, making your email both relatable and informative.
Here are some suggestions for improvement:
1) Clarity: Simplify certain sentences to enhance readability. For example:
Original: “I tend to communicate directly, which helps me be clear, but I know it can sometimes come off differently than I intend.”
Revised: “I tend to communicate directly, which promotes clarity, but it can occasionally be misinterpreted.”
2) Formality: Replace conversational phrases like “pretty direct” or “step out of my comfort zone” with more formal alternatives to maintain a professional tone.
3) Conciseness: Avoid redundancy in sentences. For instance: Original: “I want to communicate with clarity and confidence while also understanding and sharing the ideas of others.”
Revised: “I aim to communicate confidently and effectively while engaging with others’ ideas.”
Overall, your email is professional and engaging, and these refinements can further enhance its impact.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback and suggestions. I really appreciate the time you took to highlight areas I can improve, especially around clarity and tone. Your examples were super helpful, and I’ll definitely keep them in mind when writing in the future. I’m glad you found my email engaging, and I’ll work on refining it further.
DeleteHi Jude,
ReplyDeleteReading your email has allowed me to understand your goals for this module. I hope that you manage to achieve them by the end of this module. I liked that your email has clear sentence structure, and each paragraph communicates the different points (strengths, weaknesses, and some personable background) you were trying to make.
However, I feel that the email could use more depth. I feel you could have drawn some personal experiences to help the reader be able to connect with your writing on a deeper level.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your email, as it helped me to gain a slightly better understanding of who you are as a person. I hope to collaborate more with you over the duration of this module.
Hi Jonathan Phua ,
DeleteThank you for your kind words and feedback. I’ll work on adding more depth and personal experiences to my writing. Looking forward to collaborating with you too!
Hi Jude,
ReplyDeleteYour email has provided great insight into your decision to pursue a degree in civil engineering. I find it interesting how you've chosen to take this course as a way to step out of your comfort zone. The tone of your letter is respectful and consistent throughout which made it a pleasant read.
That said, I believe that your letter would be more engaging if you shared more about your experiences before joining SIT CVE or your hobbies and how they have shaped you as a person as it could help create a fuller picture of who you are.
To sum up, I really enjoyed reading your email and believe it helped me gain a better understanding of why you chose the course but not who you are as a person. I look forward to working with you more over the course of this semester.
Regards,
Ben
Hi Ben,
DeleteThank you for your thoughtful feedback and kind words. I appreciate your suggestion to share more about my experiences and hobbies, and I’ll keep that in mind for future writing. I’m looking forward to working with you this semester as well!
Dear Jude,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this very articulate, well develolped and informative letter. You align your post with the points of the brief very well.
You share with us readers that you chose CVE because "it pushes me to think in new ways and gives me the chance to tackle real-world challenges." That's a very fine answer, one that also connects you to the upcoming problem-solution project.
(I look forward to seeing your team's topic.)
In your letter, you also explain your comm skills strength and weakness and your module aims. I'm happy to report that we will address each item on your wish list in the coming weeks!
In terms of your language use, this an excellent effort.
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Professor Brad,
DeleteThank you for your feedback. I appreciate your comments and am glad my letter aligned with the brief. I’m looking forward to the problem-solution project and sharing my team’s topic soon.
Best regards,
Jude
Thank you, Jude!
Delete